AND TO ALL A GOOOOOOOD NIGHT!

'Twas the night before Christmas and Houston was cold!
Old Santy Claus thought he was at the North Pole!
He flew past Kai's house with its Christmasy lighting,
And told his reindeer, "That looks VERY inviting!"
Then in her backyard he settled his sleigh.
(No chimney so he had to enter THAT way.)
He shouldered his pack and indoors he did go,
Unloaded some gifts with a soft, "HOHOHO!"
But before he could leave he heard an odd beeping.
"What's THAT?" said old Santy. "Why, Kai should be sleeping!"
By the Christmas tree twinkles he followed the sound,
Down a hall, to the left, in the craft room he found,
Kai on her computer was posting to friends,
"Merry Christmas!" is how how her blog post begins!
And the old gent just smiled and disappeared straight from sight,
whispering, "Merry Christmas, dear bloggers, and ...
somebody please offer Kai a poetry class 'cause her poem really sucks!"

BWAHAHAHAHA ... ER ... I mean, HOHOHO! MERRRRRY CHRISTMAS!

Heeeeeeere, kitty, kitty, kitty!

This is for a local friend's birthday on January 17th! She looooooves cats and she isn't a bit particular about how awful my sewing is so I didn't have any problem doing this lumpy, bumpy cat for her. Cindy, if you happen upon this post, forgive me for doing such a miserable job on the lovely pattern you so generously sent me. But at LEAST you will see that I DID try! And regardless, I know my friend will like it because SHE doesn't sew at ALL so maybe she will see ONLY the gift and close one eye to the flaws. Purrrrr, purrrrrr, purrrrrrrrrrr...

A TESTIMONY TO WHY I REALLY, REALLY NEED TO USE A SEWING MACHINE

Meet my one of a kind (Big sigh of relief from all of YOU, right?) doll, the SugarFrog Fairy. I can show her now because (believe it or not) it was a gift for my bestest friend, & I know for a fact that she has opened it. A GIFT, you say? THAT thing is something you GAVE someone? On PURPOSE? Heehee! Yep! But ONLY because I know SHE is as goofy as I am and she'd 'get' it. (And, yes! She DID!) Anyway, I just had THE most fun making her. I think I laughed the whole time I was adding stuff to her! However, I DIDN'T laugh as I sewed her lil' body. Nooooo! In addition to Lupus & Fibromyalgia, I have neuropathy in my hands & feet. Translation: I can't FEEL them. Things tend to fly unbidden from my hands! If I'm playing Yahtzee or making a list (and checking it twice - sorry) the pen is very likely to go sailing across the room. Not good. Needles are WORSE. If the feeling is TOTALLY absent (as it tends to be from early morning through mid-afternoon most days) I have been known to poke a needle all the way THROUGH my finger where it comes out the other side. I have LOTS of holes & scars to show for it, too! I don't even REALIZE I've done it till I look around for the needle (thinking I've dropped it) and see where it is. Sigh. THEN I have to pull it out. It doesn't HURT but it gets blood everywhere AND I, of course, have to stop and wash, then disinfect it. Bother, bother, bother. OR if my hand has BEGUN to get feeling again, that's even WORSE. It aches something awful & hand sewing is painful. So THIS year, I have a goal. In order to continue making nonsense like THIS: I guess I will HAVE to learn to use - eeeeks - THIS: And WHAT, you may be asking IS this? Why, it's MY sewing machine. (Or a reasonable facsimile. LOL!) I bought it at WalMart for a whopping $29 back in about July. I figured if DID tear it up trying to THREAD the darned thing - for THAT is the part, my friends, which gives me problems - it won't be TOO much of a financial loss. Not that I can afford to waste $29 or, for THAT matter, $.29! But YOU know what I mean. So, if in the next month or so, you should happen to hear something on the wind - something that sounds suspiciously like VERY bad language - uhhhh, that'll most likely be moi, TRYING to figure out how to thread my machine so I can sew like a normal modern person and NOT like someone straight out of Little House on the Prairie. But time will tell. Maybe I BELONG on the prairie. Then again, MAYBE I belong on the FUNNY FARM! (Looking at my SugarFrog Fairy, I tend to suspect it just may be the latter. BWAHAHAHAHA!)

WHO'S THIS?

I've most likely told you all this - maybe even more than once ... sigh - but that isn't going to stop me from telling you again just in case I HAVEN'T. LOL! When my daughter Leah was little, being the Christmas fanatic I AM, I not only told her Santa was watching her to see if she behaved, AND I not only said he sends some of his elves to HELP him watch, but I said each child is assigned a SPECIAL elf to REALLY observe them. (Okay, okay! I was doing MY part to guarantee a little good behavior for as long as I could get away with it.) Anyway, my daughter BOUGHT it, hook, line, and sinker. But she never did ANYTHING halfway. She insisted on knowing HER elf's NAME. That threw me and I said, "MUNCHIE!" (Maybe I was hungry?) She kept her eyes peeled, hoping for a Munchie sighting, and insisted she heard him in her room trying to hide. And she made SURE Munchie had a great Christmas Eve snack, too - right next to Santa's cookies & milk - before he hopped on the sleigh to ride home with old St. Nick. Her theory? "He's been here ALL MONTH, Mommy, so he DESERVES it!" Munchie returned for 4 more years before my wide-eyed child broke my heart and stopped ... gasp ... believing. But we STILL talk about him. And she gave all of HER kids elves to watch over them. Jake had PacMan, Megan had Annananna, and Jessie had LCLouW. (Don't ask.) Well, tho' never forgotten, old Munchie hasn't been around to visit for a LOT of years. But yesterday I went to Michael's to pick up a couple of things, and there, right in the front of the store, were a whole ARMY of lil' elves, all differently arrayed and doing various elf-like activities. Not only THAT, they were half price! I started to walk away but lo and behold, I looked down and my eye caught - MUNCHIE. He was holding a just-made toy and was smiling EXACTLY the way I KNEW he would be. He wanted to come home with me. He SAID so. He may look relatively young, but he's an OLD elf. Long past retirement age, you understand. So I bought him. I HAD to. How on earth could I have left Munchie behind? He NEEDED to live here. Besides, Leah would have been absolutely HORRIFIED had I not brought him home. She would have said, "Buy him, Mom. He needs a home! He DESERVES it." He looks pretty content over here, too! Don't you think so?

NOT A CREATURE WAS STIRRING, NOT EVEN ...

Oh, the indignity! The things these big folks DO. And do we get any say-so in the matter? Nooooo! "Let's put a mousie outfit on Bradley! Oooooh! Isn't he cute? Look at those lil' ears!" ARRRRGGGGHHHH! What NEXT? Are you going to strip me and call me a little PORN STAR? Sigh ... just WAIT till I'm big enough to dress myself!

LIFE-CHANGING WORDS

IF I BRING FORTH WHAT IS INSIDE ME,
WHAT I BRING FORTH WILL SAVE ME.


Chinese food. It's delicious, it's highly varied so you can eat it often without having the same dish twice for a really long time, and it's comforting. I ordered some General Tso's Chicken and hot & sour soup (the soup was for me) Saturday. It came with the requisite fortune cookies, of course. I always open mine just to smile at the nonsense I generally find. But Saturday's fortune cookie shook me. I think most of you have figured out that I struggle with self-worth issues. Lots of us do to some degree, tho' I guess I'm pretty open about it so it's no big secret. But I always laughingly tell people I was born turned 'inside-out' - that my OUTSIDE is really plain but my inside is way prettier. I don't always BELIEVE that - or maybe I just don't always ACHIEVE it - but I strive to BE a good person and I really DO love people. Still, I have sooooo many self-doubts. This fortune - this teeny little rectangular piece of paper stuffed into a cookie - resonated with me so strongly - so deeply - that I honestly believe it will turn my life around in a positive way. Are you all laughing? Shaking your heads? Do you have your fingers on the numbers of your cell phones, trying to locate & alert the Funny Farm nearest my house? I KNOW how ridiculous it sounds. But I believe it. Just THINK about it because I KNOW it applies! Not only to ME, but to ALL of YOU! If I bring forth what is inside me, what I bring forth will save me. That is the most thought-provoking Christmas gift I will ever receive. And that is what I just had to share (even at the expense of being laughed at) with you today!

WHEN SOMETHING OLD IS NEW AGAIN or DON'T YOU EVER THROW ANYTHING AWAY, KAI?

Thought I'd share something with you all this evening. I had some errands to run today and happened upon a very old friend I haven't seen in almost 12 years! She and I were catching up a bit, & all of a sudden I caught her looking at me - well, actually at my CHEST - rather quizically. Now, trust me, I haven't had implants (don't NEED 'em - LOL) nor was I wearing a garment with any obscene writing on it. So I waited. Finally she asked, "Ummm, Kai. Isn't that sweatshirt JUST like the one you used to wear every Winter? ALL Winter?" OHHHHHH! Bwahahahahaha ...! I told her, "No. This isn't like that one." She stared again. I said, "This IS that one!" She blinked (really) and kind of wrinkled her nose in disdain, asking, "Girl, don't you EVER throw ANYTHING away?" I said, "Nope! Not if I LOVE it!" See, this happens to be my FAVORITE garment EVER. I bought it in 1992 at Lane Bryant - a red (of course) Venezia Jeans brand sweatshirt. It never fades, it is in EXCELLENT condition, and - shhhhhh! - don't tell anyone this, but it's ... MAGIC. Yes! It really IS! I have fluctuated in weight these past 18 years and added or subtracted up to 100 pounds at various times. Truly. But this - my magic red sweatshirt - ALWAYS fits me. It's never too tight or too loose. I LOVE this shirt. My old buddy & former aerobics instructor, Dominic HATED it and used to beg me to throw it away. NOT IN A MILLION YEARS! I have EVERY intention of being BURIED in this shirt. (Oh, YOU think I'm joking, huh? I'm dead serious! No pun intended! I literally have a WRITTEN AND SIGNED stipulation about that.) At any rate, my old friend finally just grinned in resignation & said, "Only YOU, Kai. I guess everything old is new again to you, isn't it?" Guess so! (NOTE: Good darned thing she didn't check out my FEET! I was wearing the very same SAS shoes I wore back in the early 90s, too!)

AUTUMN BIRD FAIRY

I try not to admit this tooooo often, but today has been VERY hard healthwise. Oh, I'll live! LOL! Just in a bunch of mean old pain all day & had a bunch of stuff I HAD to get done. Finally, this afternoon, I knew I could either give in to the pain and grumble and whine or I could find something to distract me as much as possible. So, because grumbling & whining is NOT a favorite activity for me, I decided to create! It hit me yesterday that we are STILL technically in Autumn as I was looking out at two sweet lil' birds trying to find a warm place to huddle. They were both Sparrows, all puffed out the way Sparrows DO when cold. Finally, settling on a snow-laden tree branch, they seemed a part of the leaves. And, if birdies CAN have an 'expression', I think theirs was one of confusion and sadness that said, "Isn't this AUTUMN? And aren't we in HOUSTON? So why the heck is it so c-c-cold?" Anyway, those two sweeties inspired me to make a sort of art doll thingy that (in honor of the Sparrows) is called Autumn Bird Fairy. She's just one of those paper mache mannequins I painted, then used velvet & fabric leaves to adorn, a cloth over clay mask I made AGES ago & had in my 'extras' stash, and some net-type fabric. I added the feathers, a bright orange Autumn butterfly, and, at her base, a tiny nest with 2 lil' birdies to pay homage to my small Sparrow inspiration. Finally, I used metal leaf brads randomly all over her and a nest for her head piece. Yes, she IS a strange bird, but I think I rather like her. As always, I took the photos before the glue was quite dry. That's a VERY bad habit I have. But you know what? Once I finished her, I felt a LOT better! CHEAPER THAN MEDICINE, this creating thing!

LET IT SNOW, LET IT SNOW, LET IT SNOW!

The photos tell the story! Today, December 4th, 2009, is the very first time in Houston's recorded weather history, that we have EVER had snow this early! True, it's not the snowman-making, sledding, skiing kinda snow some parts of the country have. But for H-town? WOW!!!! It's a HALLMARK CARD! Check out the pictures I took from (inside) front and back sides of the house! As for ME, I have on my hat & I'm going OUTSIDE to play in it while it's still coming down hard! WOOOOHOOO

FIRST, LAST, AND ONLY TIME!

Let me begin with a WARNING! The following photos are not suitable for anyone who has just eaten, is ABOUT to eat, is THINKING about eating, is easily horrified, or is prone to spontaneous projectile vomiting! LOL! As a rule, I don't SHOW pictures of myself. Huh-uh. I HATE my appearance. I'm dead serious! But over the past year or so, and most especially since I've gotten hair back again after an illness, people have been asking me what I look like. I TELL them they don't WANT to KNOW! But they say, "Oh, Kai! Of COURSE we do." HA! I say to that, "JUST WAIT, my dears. You'll be sorrrrrrry!" Anyway, I figure you already know I'm a round person. I've made THAT clear from day one. You KNOW I have Lupus so that explains the ugly blemishes on my ugly face! And the hair - well. All I can say about my hair is - it's 100% natural. No color WHATSOEVER (I'm under a light so my reddish highlights show but there isn't a DROP of color in my curly head!) and here's how I 'DO' my hair: Wash, rinse, slightly towel dry, shake my round head, and DONE! I DID, as you can see, embellish myself with my favorite old jingly headband. I'm sure EVERYONE I encountered today in Barnes & Noble, Bed, Bath, and Beyond, and Target were just thrilled to listen to my perpetual lil' jingle all morning. Heehee! I did wear SOME makeup this morning as I generally do when I go out in public. But I take it off the MINUTE I get home - RIGHT after I get rid of my shoes! At any rate, I hope you who've been bugging me - errr - ASKING me - to show myself are happy. Bet after seeing this ridiculous-looking critter you WON'T be asking again. Now for a small truth: I AM rather proud of something. It took me 59 years, two months, and 29 DAYS to get this awful looking. I work HARD to achieve things, don't I? BWAHAHAHAHAHA! LOVE YOU ALL!
Oooooh! Who ARE all these uuuuuugly women below?

Nooooo! Don't look at my EARRING! I'm trying to show you my jingly HEADBAND first!
Okay! NOW look at my earring! See? Little bitty ornies! Awwwwww! (Good GRIEF!)

That is one tired-looking old bag, huh? Wonder what the heck she's SMILING about?

But, hey! I guess despite being homely, the old gal looks pretty festive. Something to be said for festive, isn't there? Do I get POINTS for that?

AHHHHHHHH!

In the movie, the one with Alistaire Simms, after Scrooge has - umm - improved his attitude, he is laughing away & then pauses, saying, "I don't DESERVE to be this happy!" I feel that way today! Actually, I feel that way OFTEN, but especially on days like today when it's cold & overcast, when leaves are whirling all over the place, and those on the trees are so amazingly beautiful they bring tears to my eyes. Today is December 1st - the first day of my favorite month, and the date I get to turn on my Christmas tree lights! (I COULD turn them on earlier, but it's my own peculiar lil' rule. I like the anticipation!) My housemate is in his room playing Christmas carols as he works on a jigsaw puzzle. The weatherman said we have a VERY good chance of getting - drumroll - SNOW FLURRIES by Friday! There's homemade veggy-beef soup for dinner and Celestial Seasonings Sugarplum Spice tea for later. Tomorrow I'm going to Barnes & Noble to ABSORB that bookstore atmosphere & several cups of coffee, then to the garden center on the way home to (again) smell the Christmas trees. I cannot justify spending $40 for a real tree when I already have a BUNCH of trees, but that smell is my favorite thing EVER. Of course, if you hear on the news about a curly-headed round lady in Houston, Texas who was taken off by the police to be questioned because the Garden Shop owner was suspicious that she was either casing the joint or trying to get high on his Christmas trees, well, that would be ME. But you WILL defend me, won't you? Tell everyone all I was doing was SMELLING the nice trees???? It's TRUE, you know! And now I will leave you (are you applauding) with a few more photos. The first one is one of 3 fairy doors in this house. See? The resident fairy has put out her Christmas wreath! I wonder if she has her tree up yet? The rest are all photos of outside things: my reindeer welcome sign & my wreath by the mailbox, & three views of the back yard from INSIDE my craft room. It's a wonder I get ANYTHING made with such happy beauty right outside! HAVE A WONDERFUL FIRST DAY (AND EVERYDAY) OF DECEMBER, EVERYBODY!