QUEEN OF THE GARDEN

WOOOOHOOOOO! My first finished project for January 2011. I know it isn't quite 2011 yet, but what I MEAN is that this is a birthday gift for one of the 4 coffee club ladies who meet at Barnes and Noble's cafe each day, and who I see each Thursday when I go there to do some errands  to drink too many cappuccinos and buy more books. Sigh. Anyway, Laura - the lady whose birthday this is for - will be 80 on the 16th of January. I will give it to her on the 13th - the Thursday before. I could have waited and made it later but I need to get going more on the dolls I'm making for sweet Cindy's Quaint Old-Fashioned Doll Swap! I have 2 partners so I REALLY need to get myself in gear. After all, it's DOLLS we're talking about here. And those of you who know me, KNOW I sew by hand and BADLY at that. EEEEEKS! OOOOOPS! I digress (as always.) Back to the crown. Over the last year, I've made each of the other three ladies crowns depicting THEIR passions for THEIR birthdays. So I COULDN'T fail to torture poor Laura with make Laura a crown as well. She loves, loves, loves all things gardening! And I know she is the more 'classy' one of the 4 ladies so I couldn't go TOOOOOOO far over the top. Oh, it was HARD to contain myself. I actually WANTED to include a garden with rows of baked clay carrots and lettuce and so forth, a little bunny rabbit, and all sorts of gardening tools plus a pail. But these poor defenseless crowns can hold only so much. Sigh. So I was good. The only BAD thing about this is that NOW I'll have to think up another sort of gifty to make the ladies for their NEXT birthdays. (NOTE: I thought I'd share this 'cause it's so adorable! Mavis, one of the ladies I 'adopted' for the holidays - and FOREVER if possible - from 2 nearby retirement facilities will soon be 98. On Christmas Eve I asked her, "What would you like for your birthday, Miss Mavis?" She sat at my dining room table as I was cutting up celery and onions, her sweet little hands working on some lace edging for her roommate's pillowcases, and said, "I know! A sexy nighty! We heard last week that a new gentleman is coming to live at our home. And, Kai. He's supposed to be HOT!") I almost sliced my thumb off trying not to laugh! I think maybe I'll just make her a crown, too.  Below you will see photos of Laura's crown! 

WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BEDROOM DOOR LOCKED?

It's that time of the year. EVERYONE is doing it in one way or another. Yes, you are! Admit it! You may not call it the same thing, but you KNOW you're doing it. What? You don't want to talk about it? You don't even want to ADMIT it? Fine, but you aren't fooling anyone, you know! Besides, there's nothing WRONG with it; nothing shameful. We ALL do it. Sigh ... okay then. CLOSE that door. Pull down the shades. Draw the drapes. But we can still SEE you. We KNOW what you're doing in there because we're all doing it, too. It's normal. Natural. Human nature. It's - well - it's TRADITION! I'm going to say it. Yes, I am, and right out LOUD! Cover your ears, then, but here I go! You are in there ...
making NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS! Ah-ha!!!! YOU thought I was joking, huh? Didn't think I'd out you! I did, though. In fact, I outed 95% - possibly MORE - of the population! Next Saturday begins the new year - 2011 - and while some of us don't actually WRITE a list of resolutions, we make them. We may not even call them that. Goals. Yes, we're making GOALS. Or listing things to do. Really? I mean, REALLY????? Give me that paper. C'mon, hand it over if you have nothing to hide. 

 1. Buy onions. (Well, okay.) 
 2. Take out trash. (Hmmm ...)
 3. Renew subscription to TV Guide. (Maybe I WAS mistaken.) 
 4. Lose 150 pounds by next month. 


HA! I KNEW IT! See????? 

I don't make resolutions. No, truly. I CHALLENGE myself. (Did you see right through that BS?) LOL! Seriously, for all my joking around, I think making resolutions is a WONDERFUL thing to do. And I DON'T believe it should be restricted only to the new year. In fact, I think we should set goals regularly. They can be ANY kind of goal and any degree of difficulty in achieving. What I DO believe is this: We should be realistic. If we say we are going to lose 100 pounds in 9 weeks, either we are SOOOOOO out of touch with reality it's not cute, or we have just won a spot on the next season of THE BIGGEST LOSER. But if we say we are going to replace 5 of 7 sugary desserts weekly with fresh fruit, that's an achievable goal. I used to tell my students to think about 5 things they would like to list and ask themselves if at least 4 were realistic. Mine weren't always realistic. I mean, I wanted to walk to the park and find HIM waiting on me; telling me I was EXACTLY who he'd always been looking for.

That was no goal. That was pure FANTASY! (Nice - REALLY NICE - fantasy, but still ...) As I've gotten older and (hopefully) a BIT wiser, my idea of New Year's Resolutions has changed drastically. First, I do THIS!

REALISTIC GOALS. Second, I decide that the goals I set can be changed if I realize that something ELSE will be more suitable for what I need and want from life.

Third, I decide that there's NOT an exact time limit to my achieving the goal. January 1 is nothing more than a starting gun to the race. No rule says we can't stop and start, start over entirely, fail the first (or second, third, and fourth times) or even completely head off in a different direction!

These days, I STILL make 'resolutions'. But mine usually are pretty simple. I seriously doubt I'll ever be a thin person. I can TRY and take care of myself but my health has a way of doing what it wants at times regardless of my best efforts. I NEVER ask for riches because I honestly just don't CARE if I have lots of $$! Long as I can pay my expenses in this life and buy a few fun things now and then, help out people when possible - I'm good with what I have. As for having Eric Schweig waiting on me in the park (or anywhere, for that matter) - well - I'm WAY more likely to have someone like PeeWee Herman waiting. Resolutions. Goals. Lists of things to do. I make them to force MYSELF to remember what's important to ME. 

Yeah. And I'm never going to hide behind doors to do it. Here. I will SCREAM it: I MAKE RESOLUTIONS!!!! I do. And I think it's good for the soul.

                   HAPPY, HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Now. Come out of that closet and make YOUR resolutions!

MERRY AND BRIGHT!

                                 

I know that, like many of you, I will be up to my 'elfie' ears in holiday preparations for the next few days. So I want to say THANK YOU to each and every one of you sweeties who read my ridiculous blog posts (especially those who read it ALL the time!) I wish you ALL a joyful, warm and fuzzy, jingly, yummy, filled-with-love, HAPPY HOLIDAY! BIG, BIG HOHOHO HUGS AND LOVE from Kai (the BIGGEST and definitely the SILLIEST Christmas elf of all.)

BARK! WOOF! YIP! ARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!

WOOF. WOOF. WOOF. That's the sound I hear ALL NIGHT right outside my bedroom window. WOOF. It's Diesel, the next-door-neighbors' Great Dane. Think a DEEEEEEEP 'WOOF' - you know waaaaaay down deep in the throat. One or two times and it's sorta funny. Five million times and you want to rip the skin off your face. Then, it's joined by their OTHER dog, a small mixed breed with a loud - and I mean LOUD - piercing staccato 'BARK, BARK, BARK!' that NEVER stops. Is that the extent of the choir? Noooooo. The Pekingese next door on the OTHER side is a 'yipper' - you know - a continuous round of  annoying shrill, 'Yip, yip, yip, yip!' that triggers the two Dachshunds and the Yorkie across the street and the Pug three doors down. I have to admit, I'm not necessarily a dog person anyway. I LIKE them and think many of them (including my friend Susan's doggies, Sophie and Skipper) are adorable. But THEY aren't keeping me awake every single night with their canine version of the Hallelujah Chorus! Now, Diesel's owners (extremely nice people, I might add) CLAIM they have the dogs to alert them (by barking - HA!) in case of an intruder. Do they EVER awaken and check out the cause of all that barking? Uh - no. It drives me insane. Yes, hair tearing, eye-crossing mad! The past Saturday night around midnight, a police helicopter began to circle the area looking for (as we later heard on the news) a guy who shot someone at a bar several miles from here. OMG! Between the helicopter itself which circled this neighborhood for almost a solid 2 hours, and the dogs, I thought I would surely lose what's left of my mind! I don't know if it's just me or not - maybe so - but I cannot tolerate repetitious noise of ANY kind! Today I have deep, dark circles under my eyes. Lack of ANY rest combined with the humid, not so Christmasy 82 degree weather is knocking my holiday mood for a loop! So why am I venting here? Because sometimes a person just HAS to complain. And you know what REALLY gets me? I LOVE cats! I want one so badly - a nice house cat who doesn't bother anyone and DOESN'T BARK. But my sweet lil' landlady (and she IS sweet!) allows NO pets. NONE. Why? Well, her last tenant had a dog who tore up half the house and yard and dug under the fence to destroy the neighbor's garden. (That's the neighbor with the YIPPY dog, I will add!) For THAT reason, I don't get to have a nice quiet kitty cat! Grrrrr! Yeah, I am sort of an old Grinch this afternoon. But trust me - you would be too if the Canine Choir kept YOU awake every night. Thank you for allowing me to be a mean Kai for this post. I promise to adjust my attitude by tomorrow and be a happy Kai again! But for NOW:

    

IT REALLY IS, YOU KNOW!

Chicken Soup for the Soul. Hmmm ... I've been reading those stores - thousands of them - since the first book was published. I love them. Yes, they ARE sappy. Yes, they all have basically the same message: There's good in everything. But the bottom line IS, they remind me to be grateful for all I have, to love people and let them KNOW it, to say I'm sorry when I screw up, and to forgive not only OTHERS, but myself. A few weeks ago I was in Barnes and Noble (as usual - LOL) and walked by an entire TABLE of Christmas books. I would buy ALL of them if I had that kind of $$! But I don't, so I looked for only one. There it was. A big old book with JUST the title to grab me: Chicken Soup for the Soul - Tales of Christmas!

Like all their books, this one has TONS of short pieces sectioned into categories, and all take NO TIME to read. I pick up my book long enough to read 2 per day. Just enough to make me smile or cry and ALWAYS think. Yeah, they're sappy. But they enhance my joy in the season! It cost me under $10 for PAGES of happiness. And I think that's a steal!

OH, GLADYS HERDMAN, HOW I DO LOVE YOU!

Please, tell me you know the Herdmans! No? Oh, my! Then, by ALL means, allow me to indroduce you! I met them YEARS ago when I was still teaching! A fellow teacher - in fact the Band teacher - gave me a copy because she knew how much I love Christmas! I read it in about 15 minutes (it's a short book & I'm a VERY fast reader) and laughed till my face hurt. I also cried. A lot. I cry easily over ANYTHING sentimental - books, movies, memories, commercials, scents ... you get the idea! Anyway, this book changed me. In a good way. I 'GOT' the Herdmans. I also knew my students would love it. I mean, kids ALWAYS love to read or hear about kids who are absolute terrors! Gives them something to which they can aspire! LOL! I won't tell you the story but I WILL show you the book cover & a brief synopsis which should give you a good idea of what you'll find!  

Synopsis
The Herdmans are the worst kids in the history of the world. They lie, steal, smoke cigars, swear, and hit little kids. So no one is prepared when this outlaw family invades church one Sunday and decides to take over the annual Christmas pageant.
None of the Herdmans has ever heard the Christmas story before. Their interpretation of the tale — the Wise Men are a bunch of dirty spies and Herod needs a good beating — has a lot of people up in arms. But it will make this year's pageant the most unusual anyone has seen and, just possibly, the best one ever.

See what I mean? Don't they sound WONDERFUL? Well, let me tell you, they ARE! They truly are! And I must say that since the first time I read the book, I've never again been able to read or hear the Christmas story without thinking of the youngest Herdman, Gladys hollering, "Hey! HEY!!!! For unto YOU a child is born!" I hope YOU - all of you - find a copy & fall in love with the horrible (wonderful) Herdmans!

See the photo above? THAT is Gladys! Gotta love her!

NO, I DON'T THINK IT'S STILL HALLOWEEN!

Sometimes you feel like a nut - sometimes you don't! Hmmm ... doesn't THAT sound like something I've heard somewhere? Well, at any rate, I DO feel like a nut today! WHY? First, it's just been a REALLY good couple of days! The weather (for Houston, that is) is nice and cold. Second, I got to talk to my best friend, Mar, for almost 3 HOURS Sunday! (I HATE talking on the phone EXCEPT if it's to Mar! OR to my Jan but she hates the phone about as much as I do! Aren't WE a well-matched pair? HAHAHA!) Third, today when I was doing my weekly grocery shopping, I received my Christmas gift! Seriously! In April of 2009 when we moved over here, I met Rene, a really terrific guy (an assistant manager) at the grocery store. He is just the nicest human being! We talked ALL the time and became very good friends over the last almost 2 years. Then, about 5 months ago, I learned from his co-workers that he was extremely ill and may not live. I was absolutely devastated! And I couldn't reach him to check on him. Today, there he was - WAY too thin and somewhat weak still, but BETTER! He started back to work just yesterday. Seems his appendix had burst and he had emergency surgery! THEN he got a serious (life-threatening) in-hospital staff infection and when it rapidly escalated, the doctor didn't even have time to sedate him. So he literally cut into Rene sans ANY kind of deadening agent! OMG! Rene said he lay there in that hospital bed, in such pain all he could do was moan and watch the infection just flowing from his body. I will leave further details unwritten except to say he healed BADLY and went from his normal 118 pounds (he's REALLY small) to - gasp - 86 pounds. He is back to 100 now with the scariest looking scars I've ever seen. But he is ALIVE and getting better. Rene has ZERO family to care for him because, at age 15 (he's 39 now) when he admitted he is Gay, his family disowned and threw him OUT. Can you IMAGINE? So he was all alone this entire 5 months. We both cried today to see each other AND because of all he's been through. Only THIS time we exchanged phone numbers so he will NEVER be alone again. Both of us have severely compromised immune systems. Neither of us is really supposed to be AROUND lots of people much. But he HAS to work. And I HAVE to see my kolas and so forth now and then or I'd lose my mind (such as it is.) Anyway, seeing him was the best, best gift I could EVER get! And he took one LOOK at ME and figured out what all the people around me have NOT figured out for these past 2 months. (Trust me - as large as I am, I think a lot of times I am invisible to people.) I hadn't told a soul, not even my closest friends here or online - only my housemate who of course had to know. But Rene SEES me and he knew immediately that I am also very ill. But I'm HERE and STUBBORN and NOT going to sit back and croak. I hadn't talked about it to ANYONE because I quite frankly just want to deal with it, get through it, and be better again. Don't like people worrying or pitying or feeling sad when I don't feel any of those things! But a beautiful online friend recently thought I was not wanting her here because of something SHE may have done. NEVER! No WAY! At this point, I simply tend to be uncomfortable seeing friends I haven't yet met in person. I am VERY tired most of the time, and I'm the kind of person who wants to show guests a really nice time and treat them like royalty! I don't NEED to do that with my kolas. They're family - some blood-related, some related by heart-connection for many years. (And though Thanksgiving guests MOSTLY consisted of  people I consider family, having all that company completely wore me out.) I STILL don't want to talk about it after I've written this, but I know she will see it and understand. At any rate, I decided to post this weirdo-Kai photo taken about 10 whole minutes ago and show you what a REAL goof I am! Yes, I know. I have no eyebrows. Part of the illness package. Cute, huh? (GAG!) I DO tend to sorta draw some in when I go anywhere, but what can I tell you? They never DID grow back completely after the LAST chemo but THIS time they went FAST! AND the crazy hat? Well, let's just say my hair has started to come out some around the crown of my head (not TOO much yet) but I DO, for now, still have the curls in front! Despite the Halloween LOOK, however, I FEEL like CHRISTMAS! There's SO, SO, SO MUCH to be happy about! What a good beginning to this week! And as the movie title says, "IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE!"

P.S. to this post: I have my big old mouth covered for a reason. THAT was the source of this problem. Aaaarrrrggghh!

LITTLE FETISHES

Now what is this silly woman up to THIS time? Well, I made fetishes - lil' charms - to give the boys at Barnes and Noble. They are intended to hang from their rearview mirrors and help them get safely to their destinations! Each one has a hanging loop with the recipient's initial and specific words to indicate safe arrival. I HAD intended to make them all ear flap hats but when I asked them awhile back what they thought of them, some said it's too hot in Houston (and it IS much of the time, but I've worn MINE lots over the past few years) and a couple said, "Uhhhh ... no!" One of the boys, Matt, said he didn't have any desire to look like Elmer Fudd. BWAHAHAHAHA! Anyway, I struck THAT idea and decided on these charms! Then, what do you s'pose? My friend, Zach, approached me in the store and said, "I think it would be fun to have a flap hat. How much do you charge?" (Heehee.) I asked him what color he would like and he said brown. (BOOOOORRRRING, but whatever.) And I made the spoiled critter one! No charge, of course. Now we'll see if the other guys end up wanting one. Anyhow, that's what I've been making. Ta-da! 

WHAT I LOVE ABOUT CHRISTMAS

Just a minute ago, I read my sweet lil' friend Susan's blog post titled TEN THINGS I HATE ABOUT CHRISTMAS. Now if you don't know Susan, you may be raising an eyebrow. But I DO know her, and she's no hater! I told her I think she just doesn't feel comfy with all the changes people and time have made to this holiday. (NOTE: She did NOT ask my opinion. LOL! I gave it free of charge.) Anyway, what she said was VALID! And it made ME start thinking, "What do I hate about Christmas?"  Hmmmm ... let's see. Okay - here's my list.
1. I hate that there are WAY too many people who have no one to exchange Christmas hugs with. Makes me want to run around the world, hugging EVERYONE!
2. I hate that some people believe it's the only time to give to or show compassion for people. 
3. I hate that the season 'officially' ends so quickly. 
4. I hate that $$ EVER factors in and makes some people see the holiday as a competition about buying bigger and better! 
5. I hate that certain foods seem to be ONLY for the season. (I don't let that guide ME, tho'. I drink eggnog and eat decorated cookies anytime I get a chance! And trust me, I have the ample butt to PROVE it! HAHAHAHA! Or I should say, HOHOHO!)
6. I hate that I don't have a magic wand to wave over EVERYONE and make Christmas as marvelous to THEM as it is to ME! 
NOW! What do I LOVE about the holiday? I will TRY to restrict myself to a FEW things! 
1. I love the music! Yes! The SAME music everyone ELSE is complaining about! The carols played from late November through Dec. 25th in grocery stores, malls, etc. I sing with ALL of them. LOUDLY! I really DO!
2. I love how people are NICER to each other and how I can give a gift for no reason other than the time of year. 
3. I love - oh, HOW I love - the smells! Christmas trees, wassail, cookies fresh from the oven ... hohoho!
4. I love giving!!!! And it's the ONLY time of the year I CAN give without people thinking I have some ulterior motive for it!
5. I love the cold weather. (Of course, I love it ANY time!)
6. I love familar old Christmas cartoons, movies, songs, books ...!
I could make this list go to 100-plus things but I'll stop before I DO let myself keep going. I guess I'm a weirdo, but I think this is the time of year when we get to CHOOSE to renew ourselves. We get to look at all the possibilities and opportunities to choose joy, and if we DO choose it, we get a chance to sit back and just ALLOW it to fill us! WHY do I love Christmas so much? I grew up in a house where it was only slightly MORE miserable than at any other time of year, yet I realized I STILL felt the magic. And I KNEW if I could feel magic above the pain and anger all around me, it must be a REALLY powerful holiday. So I ask YOU: What do YOU love about Christmas?