YUMMY, YUMMY, YUMMY!

Food. I like it! In fact, if you were to see me in person, all 5'4" of my - gasp - 260 pounds - you'd KNOW I like it. A lot. Having said that, I will tell you all, quite honestly (and considering I am so open about my weight, my age, etc., you KNOW I'm for real - LOL!) that I DON'T eat anywhere near what you may expect. Here is my normal food consumption for four of the seven days each week. The reason I do everything so freakin' early is 'cause I rarely sleep:
5 A.M. - 2 BIG mugs of coffee - with creamer (sugar free) and  1 Nutra Sweet packet
10 or 11 A.M. - 1 Lean Cuisine (I'm addicted to the ease and deliciousness of these - have been since 1990.) 1 individual sized Breakstone low fat cottage cheese (another long time addiction) and 1 Yoplait yogurt. Total calories around 450. Oh - and more coffee - 2 more big CUPS, in fact.
2:30 - 3 P.M. - EITHER 1 cup of 'light' soup OR 1 whole grain bread with fat free mayo and tomato slices OR 1 tbsp. cream cheese, and sliced cucumbers, plus another yogurt.
6 P.M. - a cup of tea or a glass of Crystal Light depending upon the weather.
And at LEAST 2 quarts of water daily. AT LEAST. Usually way more.
   Yes, I'm 100% serious. I do not eat after 4 unless I haven't eaten all day (that happens periodically when I get busy) and then I eat yogurts (sometimes 3 of them) before 6 P.M.! Otherwise, I just drink water. On 1 of the alternate (non-Lean Cuisine) days, for my 10 A.M. meal I make something different: maybe couscous with craisins and pistachios and a teeny bit of goat cheese or a roasted beet salad over arugula, or maybe a quinoa with avacado salad. And on Sundays and Mondays I cook a bigger meal and eat SOME of it, with Ray, my housemate, eating the majority. I'm just NOT a big meat eater most of the time. I LIKE some meat, but VERY little. I do love fish (except salmon - ugh) and could eat talapia, red snapper, or (insert heavenly choir here) seared scallops EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. And only once in a blue moon do I REALLY have to have some meat! This weekend I'm making Ray fideo, roast with mole, tortillas, and guacamole. I'll eat a bit of the fideo with some of the mole sauce and some guacamole (no chips.) So, as you can see, my excessive weight is NOT directly food-related. My metabolism is hideous, especially after I took a large (prescribed) dose of Prednisone for nearly 2 years back in the early 90s. I USED to trust doctors. Grrrrrr! It was for the pain affiliated with Systemic Lupus which I have. But it destroyed my skin, my teeth, my hair, and added 105 pounds to my medium build 5'4" frame. At around 160-170, I wasn't petite to begin with. But I ALSO wasn't a hippo. Hmmmmm! I have been off the meds - off ANY meds except for the only one I DO take for BiPolar Disorder. (Yes, I am. Don't be afraid. I TAKE my meds and I'm SO grateful for them!) Anyway, the fact that I have a shattered kneecap which cannot be repaired - another long story - keeps me from doing what I did for 10 years - exercising like a crazy person. I STILL exercise 6 mornings a week, 2 hours each time, HOWEVER it's all upper body and crunches to keep my body's core strong and semi-compensate for my useless lower body. What I do doesn't really burn calories. With all THAT said, I am BIG, BIG, BIG! UGH! And yes, I STILL LOVE FOOD! I DON'T eat chocolate (allergic, thank goodness!) but keep me AWAY from bread pudding. It attaches itself to my butt. And, with all that prefacing (what a chatterbox I am) I thought I'd share 3 recipes with you. (I HEARD THAT!!! You asked, "Is Kai NUTS? All THAT crap was a lead-in for freakin' RECIPES? We were ROBBED!) Two are actually from Tatortots and Jello's recent Weekend Wrap-up posts. (I LOVE  T and J's posts!) Both recipes I have already tried. Both I altered JUST a bit. The third recipe is one I've been making periodically since 1988. It's a West African dish and I LOVE IT! It's rich, hot, and has both meat AND peanut butter in it. I generally will not TOUCH peanut butter. Hope you try, and hope you LIKE at least one of these! 

PINEAPPLE-AVACADO SALSA; altered slightly to suit myself
Ingredients:
2 large ripe avacados, diced small
1 20 oz. can of crushed pineapple, juice and all 
1 small red (or white) onion, diced small
1 tbsp. honey (a little more is fine)
salt and pepper to taste
1-4 seeded (or not - I did NOT seed mine because I LIKE heat!) jalapenos, diced very small
fresh cilantro to taste
 1 nice large JUICY lime, squeezed
DIRECTIONS:
Mix all ingredients in a bowl, cover and refrigerate several hours to overnight, and eat on tostadas, beans, chips, your hands, in your coffee ... heehee ... the stuff is righteous! It's rolling on the FLOOR good. I HATE, HATE, HATE pineapple, but I LOVE this salsa. 
Note: The acid in both the lime and the pineapple keep the salsa fresh and the avacado from darkening!   

The second recipe was INTENDED to be 2 ingredients ONLY. I made it as written for my housemate and he said it was dry. So I made it again and added 1 egg and 1/2 cup of water. WORLD of difference! Here goes:

TWO (OR 4) INGREDIENT CAKE
INGREDIENTS:
1 box yellow or white cake mix
1 can pumpkin puree
As I said, I added 1/2 cup of water and 1 egg the 2nd time.
You also may want to add pumpkin pie spice. Up to you. I did!DIRECTIONS:
Mix  ingredients. Pour into cake pan (I used a bundt pan) which has been well-sprayed with Pam or other vegetable spray. Bake at 350 degrees for about 30-35 minutes. Allow to cool.
   I'm not a big fan of ANY cake but housemate scarfed it down.
   Finally the dish I'm making for NEXT weeknd:

PEANUT BUTTER OXTAIL STEW WITH PLAINTAINS

NOTE: Stop saying, "EEEEWWWW! GROSS!" It's NOT! It's DELICIOUS! TRUST ME! (I told you my WEIGHT, didn't I?)

INGREDIENTS:
Mix of large and small oxtails (Yes, they ARE costly!
Yes, they DO look gross. But yes, they are seriously GOOD!)
2 LARGE onions diced
6 large carrots, peeled and diced
2 large green bell peppers, seeded and diced
a good sized chunk of fresh ginger root, peeled and diced
2 RIPE jabanero peppers (use gloves!) or use a pepper that isn't so hot if you are a big ol' coward you do not like intense heat
1 medium can of tomato sauce plus enough water to cover, not drown, ingredients
1 cup of smooth OR crunchy peanut butter (more if you have LOTS of oxtails)
DIRECTIONS:
Using a big, deep pot (because you'll be glad you did when it starts bubbling) and starting with the oxtails, put everything except peanut butter in pot. Cover completely (again, don't drown - just cover) with water. Let contents come to a good boil, then stir, and turn heat to medium-low, keeping a close eye to make sure nothing sticks or scorches! You CAN add small amounts of water if you really need to. When the oxtails (or, as my housemate calls them, 'oxbutts' - sigh) are super tender, turn heat on low, and scoop out about a cup and a half to two cups of the liquid. Put it in a blender, add the peanut butter (you may need to do this in two batches) and blend it, then mix it back into the pot. Turn off heat.
Serve with boiled plantains, rice, or just bread. It's spicy, exotic, and delicious!
NOTE: Don't be a wuss like I was the first time I had oxtails. LOL! I looked at them with all that fat, and thought, "How am I supposed to EAT this thing?" and I nibbled at it, all the time concerned with making a mess or getting a mouth full of fat. You WILL make a mess because it's inevitable. You will PROBABLY ingest some fat the first time or two. But you'll get the hang of it. I should know! I'm a PRO at eating those suckers now! And I love them! Hope YOU give this or even all three recipes a try!