OOOPS!

This is the fastest way I have of quickly reaching everyone who matters! Tonight I am headed 'out on the town' with a good friend! FUN!!!! Then, in the morning I am going to my friend MaryBear's until Sunday the 4th! She WAS coming HERE for a couple of days but plans changed, so I am OFF for a week of visiting and relaxing! Hope all of YOU have a great weekend & a super good next week! I'll MISS you!

OLD FRIENDS ARE THE BEST FRIENDS ...

...or ARE they? I've been thinking about my best friend, Mar, a LOT lately! I MISS HER! She lives in Canada now and it's not exactly as though we can run back-and-forth between each other's houses anymore the way we did years ago. But it makes NO difference how far apart we are in miles. She has been my best friend and I've been hers pretty much since the evening we met at a Manuscriptors Guild meeting in 1989. Silly as it sounds, we RARELY even call each other by name. Huh-uh. We refer to each other as 'Best Friend!' LOL! What made me start thinking about writing this particular post is a person I reconnected with about a month or so ago. This person FOUND me via my blog. I was thrilled because he was as close to a brother as a non-related person could ever be. Quite a few years have passed since we last saw each other. And, I strongly suspect that he holds onto a belief about me that isn't even remotely so, but it's not something I can (or WOULD) discuss at a distance. He would need to see my face to know that. I have missed him and thought of him often. Sadly, though we emailed for awhile, I think we both realized the connection was no longer there. For that reason, I will most likely never have the opportunity to tell him that what he may think is not so. (Yes, I sound mysterious, but it's a private matter.) The reason I bring it up is because I find it truly sad that we are no longer so compatible. And THAT led me to thinking about my Blogger friends. Most of us are never going to meet. We live too far away or we don't have that strong a connection to carry things to such an extent. But it's also true that a few of us have connected SO strongly I KNOW we will find a way to meet! That makes me REALLY happy! I believe this: People come into our lives in certain pre-destined timelines. Some, we meet once and never see again. Some, we have only a very short time with to establish a bond for whatever purpose we were put together, then we part.  And a few, we grow close to, grow WITH, and grow OLD with. Does that make one relationship less important than the others? I don't think so. We meet who we are INTENDED to meet and connect for as long as we are INTENDED to connect. And we carry a teeny bit of every person we meet WITH us. ARE old friends the best friends? I DO think so. All of a person's OLD friends were once NEW friends. They're just the ones that 'stuck'.    

HURRY! YOU DON'T WANT TO MISS THIS!

Hello. My name is Kai and I am a TV addict.

It's something I do to escape. Oh, yes! I READ! I'm truly a voracious reader! And I 'make stuff'. (Please, note that I NEVER refer to myself as an artist. I LOVE creating my little messes, but I know my limitations and I'm very realistic.) At any rate, tv is what allows me to get involved in stories and situations which I don't have to WORRY about, deal with AFTER I watch the shows, etc. Pure mindless pleasure! I record HOURS of programs and watch them when I can't sleep. I rarely sleep. So I watch a LOT of tv.

SURVIVOR! It's the ONLY show I ALWAYS watch 'real time' and I've never .. NEVER ... missed a single episode. EVER, EVER, EVER!

This was Survivor All Stars! See the guy in the last row, second from the right? That's Rupert Boneham. He's been my FAVORITE Survivor since the minute he first appeared on screen. I adore him. 

If I HAD to pick an all-time favorite show, THIS would be it. Hands down! THIRD WATCH. I know WAY too much about this show, about the actors, etc. I also happen to be pretty darned good friends with one of the actors. But that has NOTHING to do with WHY I love THIRD WATCH! I can QUOTE dialogue VERBATIM from ANY episode of the 6 seasons. Go ahead. Test me! I REALLY CAN. Do YOU know what a smoovah is? I DO! AND I know who SAID it, who laughed over it, and who used it in the final scene of that episode and WHY. I know who said, "I have to quit falling on my head." AND who said that cows are OUTSTANDING in their field! Stick me on a game show featuring this program's trivia and I will WIN! Sad, huh? 

Ahhhh ... and my beloved Law and Order SVU! Always a twist, or two or three. Always lots of action mixed with some great humor. And, I mean - really! WHAT could be BAD about the combination of Benson and Stabler? NOTE: I cannot stress ENOUGH how badly I miss Chris Meloni (Stabler) this season.

 I also watch - don't laugh - Judge Judy.

 She's my HERO! Judy does NOT suffer fools! She tells people, "Stand up straight! Stop fidgeting. Uncross your arms. Stop trying to talk over me." She CORRECTS GRAMMAR! (SEE? MY HERO!) "It's NOT 'she borrowed me her car.' She LOANED me her car!" She does 'helpful and astute evaluations' of people. "There's something WRONG with you! Are you on medication? You're an IDIOT!" And she loves giving advice. "Don't marry him. He's a moron. Stop having babies you cannot support. You have ENOUGH! 

Get off your behind and go to work!" Judy says what I'd LOVE to say, but I'm just Kai and I have to be polite. She gets PAID to say what she thinks. I should have been a judge! 
   Oh, I do love my shows. But there's one thing I DON'T love, and THAT is the reason for this post. It's ...   THE FREAKIN' SO-CALLED 'HOLIDAY' COMMERCIALS!
Every single channel HAS them. I HATE every single ONE of them! Okay. Hate IS a strong word. But I'm better off using 'hate' than using up all my cuss words in one blog post so I'll stick to 'hate'. I GET Christmas sales! People buy gifts! I understand VALENTINE sales. Candy, flowers, even jewelry. Fine. But HERE'S what irritates me beyond reason: Furniture salesman hollering at us via the camera, "DON'T MISS OUR COLUMBUS DAY SALE!" Uhhhh ... reroll that, please. Don't miss WHAT? Was there EVER a rhyme reading, "In 14 hundred ninety two, Columbus bought a loveseat - BLUE"? I THINK NOT! Two commercials later we have CAR salesmen jumping around insisting we all rush over to their lots to buy their COLUMBUS DAY CARS! For crying out loud. THIS week it's PRESIDENTS' DAY furniture and cars! THEN it will be ST. PADDY'S! And EASTER! HOW MANY TIMES DO I NEED A **** CAR OR LIVING ROOM SOFA? And while I'm AT it, let me complain about the WAYS they 'try' and entice us. They hop up and down and SCREAM. They use their entire (ugly) families and have them doing totally stupid things!  (NOTE: Not ALL children are adorable, folks. Some of the ones they show would seriously scare me AWAY from their car lots, furniture stores, etc!)  

Get on over here and buy your (insert holiday) car or I'll haul out ever' one of my 27 ugly illegitimate brats and have
'em sing and jump around and annoy the hell outta you! So come on by, folks!


        I LOVE the mute button. I use it during 99% of the commercials IF I happen to be watching a show REAL time. Otherwise, I fast forward. Love THAT button, too!
    To wrap this up (Quit applauding. If you don't settle down I will use a Judge Judyism on you.) I repeat that I LOVE watching tv. I DON'T love the loud, stupid commercials! (I HEARD that! You said I'm being repetitious. Nooooo. I'm CONCLUDING, and making my final point. And I WARNED you I'd use a Judyism: THIS IS MY PLAY PEN! We do things MY way here! (HEEHEE!)
   Moral of this post? TV - good! Stupid so-called holiday ads - useless! Fun I had WRITING this? LOTS! Now go have a great day, watch some tv, mute those ads and make up your OWN dialogue (or scream at the tv and TELL those furniture and car salesman how idiotic they are and how UGGGGGLY their KIDS are.) Next post? Perhaps it will be about LAWYERS doing commercials. Stay tuned!

SORTA BEING STEVIE WONDER

I JUST 'BLOGGED' TO SAY I LOOOOOOVE YOU!
...
AND I MEAN IT FROM THE
BOTTOM OF MY HEART!

HAPPY  VALENTINES  DAY!!!

OOOOOOH!!! WE HAVE A BIRTHDAY GIRL IN BLOGLAND!

I love, love, love to celebrate my friends! And tomorrow  - February 12th - we bloggers can celebrate a birthday girl that many of us know! I featured her on my blog once so you may recall this happy, (and extremely talented) little person!

That's RIGHT! It's Jen aka Jingle from http://justjingle.blogspot.com/ ! If you are new to my blog and DIDN'T see my post or don't already KNOW this adorable lil' elf who eats CANDY for breakfast (Oh, yes she does!) then DO go and get acquainted. She'll make you smile. Or laugh. Probably BOTH! And whether you know her yet or not, DO visit and wish her a big ol' HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Jen, if you're reading this, this is for YOU:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUUUUUU!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUUUUUU!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LITTLE JINGLE!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUUUUUU! 

  
                                         

SOOOOOOO 'SHAMEY-ED'

My daughter used to say that when she did something naughty: "Soooo shamey-ed, Pia." She'd heard me say, "Aren't you ashamed to have (insert infraction)?" And that became her apology. Well, folks - tonight, I am sooo shamey-ed for my self-serving, whining post of yesterday. I RARELY get THAT grumpy. I mean, we ALL get tired and frustrated, but I can't stand myself when I host a pity party. And yesterday I hosted a BASH, didn't I? Sigh. Thank you to each person who so generously commented and sympathized and offered (very excellent) advice! I appreciate it more than you know! What I NEED to do is what my sweet friend, Beth, at BY HOOK BY HAND suggested: If I need some time, MAKE IT HAPPEN. Thanks, sweety! You are RIGHT! And that's actually exactly what I DID today. I came in here and went through all my yarn (very comforting to me to sort through the bins of colorful, soft yarns) and I did a bit of creating as well. I plan to take some time EACH day and play a bit. That way I won't get to the point where I have a meltdown and humiliate my fool self for all of Blogland to witness. LOL! Anyway, I'm over it, I have my big girl panties on now, and I'm planning to MAKE this a super good weekend! I wish you all the same! HUGS to you bunch of sweeties!      

I AM NOT A NICE PERSON!!!!

Lately I've begun to think something is off with me. My internal CHECK ENGINE light is FLASHING! No, no! I'm not ill. But I feel ... I don't know ... mean somehow. If you read my last post, you know I had planned on a bit of rest and playtime. As it turned out, I never GOT it. In fact, I received a HUGE batch of editing that wasn't supposed to be here till the 13th. It arrived last Saturday RIGHT after I'd taught two classes, was tired but HAPPY because THAT was supposed to be the beginning of my designated 'fun' week. I am anal. You ALL know that by now. If I have work or a duty, THAT comes first. So, of course, I tackled it. And as the 'old story' goes, "If you give a mouse a cooky he's going to want a glass of milk ..." - I ate the cooky, drank the milk, and went through the cycle. By the time I'd completed the editing (several days later) it was already house scrubbing day. And EVERYDAY is cooking day because my housemate has the NERVE to insist on EATING. (How RUDE, right? LOL!) Why don't I suggest HE cook his own food? HA! He offered once, three years ago, to peel potatoes for me. I am STILL finding peel pieces (dried out/blackened/gross) in OTHER ROOMS. HOW????? I don't even want to THINK how. So he was banished from 'cooking' or prep work. I tend to follow the old ones' words of wisdom, "IF YOU WANT SOMETHING DONE RIGHT, DO IT YOURSELF!" Well, then he offered (once) to wash dishes. First of all, it took him around 35 minutes. All we'd HAD was a bowl of SOUP. I'D already washed the soup pot! Two bowls, two spoons. THIRTY FIVE MINUTES. And one bowl was not clean; one spoon still had dish detergent residue. (That's because he squirted about a half bottle IN that ONE spoon. Sigh. See? I'm NOT A NICE PERSON. I'm FUSSY. I don't like 3-year-old fuzzy black potato peels appearing in places like my SHOES. I don't APPRECIATE having my meal taste of Dawn dishwashing liquid. I'm hateful that way. So I continue to be the chief cook and bottle washer around here. I ALSO do all the bills. Why? Said housemate, at age 71, cannot for the life of him, write a check. Seriously. He JUST DOESN'T GET IT. I filled out ALL his paperwork 3 years ago for social security. What a PAIN. I do his taxes. I TELL him when his car is making a strange sound because he never NOTICES. (I don't drive but I DO know when a sound isn't 'right'!)He's a GOOD person, and we are great friends. He worked from age 16 to age 68 and missed only 12 days of work in ALL THOSE YEARS. But when it comes to household ANYTHING he is like a child 99% of the time. Arrrgghhh! I didn't share that for 'being funny' purposes, or to put HIM down. (As a long ago tv detective would have said, "Just state the facts, ma'am!" And I WAS. Stating the facts, I mean.) I was setting the scene for why I am a bad person. You see, now and then, I crave, actually ACHE FOR, some time to myself. I'm 61 and I've (seriously) NEVER had a vacation. Yes, I've gone to MaryBear's LOTS of times. And I LOVE going. But trust me, it's a fun nuthouse over there! NOOOOO peace and quiet. I don't want to get away. I have this huge, marvelous craft room with all my bins of 'stuff' to make things. I have a big table to spread things out, a tv and goodness KNOWS how many dvds I've YET to watch. I have BOOKS - wonderful shelves of them; stacks and STACKS of them. MY dream 'vacation is simply this: I would love 1 week - 7 short days - of complete solitude. I would read, rest (I'm SO exhausted) look at all my unwatched foreign films, live on Breakstone individual serving size lowfat cottage cheese, yogurt, Lean Cuisines, water, and coffee, peek at blogs but not write a single email, and NOT SAY A WORD. Heaven. It will never happen. Not in MY lifetime. Yesterday my frustration overflowed. I wanted to cry or scream or have a full fledged temper tantrum.

But I don't DO temper tantrums. I couldn't JUSTIFY tears. So I cooked and washed clothes and held in a BUNCH of resentment. Wrote a HUGE whining email to my poor lil' friend, Chirp! (Nat, feel relief - I ALMOST wrote to you, too. I will TONIGHT but sans the grumbling.) I'm over it anyway. There's no point in being frustrated about something that won't change. But I do want to play - I want a WEEK. I feel so guilty because people always tell me I'm 'sweet' or  'helpful' or 'goofy'. Yep. I'm goofy! But I still think I must not be a nice person because I NEED a week ... ALL TO MYSELF. Sigh.         

BECOMING A BUM AND EXCITED ABOUT IT!

Hear ye! Hear ye!












On this, the 2nd day of the 2nd month in the year 2012, I do declare that KAI NACONI has decided to become a bum! This decision shall be put into practice at precisely 5 P.M. on Saturday the 4th and remain in effect until precisely 10 P.M. on Sunday the 12th. During said time of BUMMINESS, Kai will decline any and all work deemed anything short of emergency status. She will turn the dust bunnies loose in full force, look at her computer only to check blogs, and - when her housemate declares his hunger (which is usually upward of 5 times daily) she will stick her round head out a window and holler, "LET THEM EAT CAKE!" - oh, wait - someone already SAID that - DARN! - she will point toward the door, indicating the fact that he has a vehicle which WILL carry him to fast food establishments. (Okay. MAYBE she'll cook a couple of things in advance & freeze them for said housemate.)

She will furthermore, spend hours in her craft room making all manner of fun and messy projects, or in her bedroom with her nose stuck in a book. Her ONLY to-do list will look like THIS >

So if you do not hear from Kai via email during aforementioned time, kindly do recall that she is vacationing in her favorite resort place - her house - and will be back to emailing as soon as her week of BUMMINESS has ended. SO SAY IT I! AND SO SHALL IT BE!                                
                                           

HELL IN A HAIR SALON or WHY I NEVER COMB MY HAIR

Let me begin with a definitive statement: I NEVER COMB MY HAIR. Yes! You read that correctly! I WASH my hair, of course! I get my hair shaped when it gets so thick and heavy I start thinking someone is following me I absolutely can't do a thing with it. But I don't brush or comb it. I have STRANGE HAIR, folks! It's CURLY. No, I didn't say PERMED. It's just curly. And THICK. I haven't colored it for about 5 years now - maybe 6. Can't recall. But it's been a long time. I LIKE the natural color. Kind of Dead Bark Brown with grey streaks. Now, WHY, you ask, am I telling you this? Because I need to set the scene. I'm dramatic that way. See, Monday I had to go for my dreaded hair shaping appointment. It's an ordeal. Seriously. Steve, my hairdresser, air kisses me on either cheek and says, "My, it's been A GOOD LONG TIME since I saw you." (Sigh. Here we go.) "Yes. It's been a few months." At this point, he stands back and stares at my bedraggled front curls and reaches to feel ... THE LUMP. The 'lump' is the heavy - HEAVVVVVY - thick crown of my head. I don't know WHY my hair grows the way it grows, but it DOES. The crown - which SHOULD be cute and curly and give a lift to my hairdo (such as it is) - instead grows like a mohawk gone bad. It travels straight down the middle back of my head, pulling my head backwards with its weight. You think I'm exaggerating, don't you? I'm NOT. I have all these springy-to-saggy curls in every OTHER area of my head and that single 3 inch wide strip of heaviness growing downward. Steve picks it up off my head and TSKS. Ugh. I HATE tsking! But I wait it out and when I don't react to his theatrics, he says, "Let's go get you snipped, Honey." (Honey my Comanche a**!) But I follow dutifully and sit in his chair while he throttles me with  ties a towel and a cape around my neck and says, "What are we looking for today?" I pull out a picture and say, "This." 

My hair does this naturally. All it NEEDS is to be trimmed and shaped. I even let him know he could take several inches off the length. (My hair touched my shoulders.) He looked at it and enthusiastically said, "AWESOME! AMAZING! PERFECT! I think your hair should do this!" (Really, Steve? You think so?  Well, of COURSE you do because you've SAID that every single time I've BROUGHT you this freakin' picture over the last three freakin' YEARS.) I just smiled. He said, "Let's go get you shampooed!" I vigorously shook my head. "No," I argued. "It's clean. I washed it an hour ago. Please, cut it dry so it won't draw up." He poo-pooed my suggestion and insisted it be washed. Crap. We did the wishy-washy routine and the cutting began. I won't go into detail but I will say that:
1. My hair drew up. A lot. I knew it would. STEVE knew it would.
 2. Either MY one sighted eye is WAY worse than I knew or HE can't see worth you-know-what. Arrrrggghhh!
   When he finished, he insisted on putting some 'product' in my hair. "I don't USE 'product'!" I reminded him. Again. "Oh, honey! THIS is just a VERY lightweight 'Glace-smells-real-good-curls-your-hair' product. You'll LOVE how it makes your hair feel."  I just want it to feel like hair. Then he reached down at the side of his station and pulled out his ... gasp! - blow dryer! AND A COMB AND BRUSH!!!!NOOOOOOOOOOO! I do NOT blow dry my HAIR! OR use a brush or comb on it. THAT MAKES MY HAIR FRIZZZZZZZZ!I got it cut so it will just air dry and curl NATURALLY. I WANT my curls. "RRRRRRRRRRRRR!" Too late. The sound of the blow dryer. When he finished, he handed me a mirror, whirled my chair around (HE said so I could see the BACK of my hair - I say to make me too dizzy to know WHAT I was seeing) and, with a happy flourish, sang, "TA-DAAAAAAA!" 
I don't like conflict. So I swallowed the vomit forming in my throat and - with a sick smile - nodded and told him, "Awesome. Amazing." (Sigh.) 


MY CURLS! SOMEONE STOLE MY CURLS!!!!!!



Who IS that? And where are the curls? Do I look HAPPY? If I DO, I really AM a great actress. I hopped down from the chair, gave him a TIP, (How much of a wuss am I?) and paid the front desk lady an outrageous amount of money. Then I came home, washed my hair (I HAVE to have the cleanest hair in Houston, Texas!) and, with a flourish of my OWN, shook my hair like a wet dog and walked into the kitchen to make myself a big pot of conciliatory coffee (It had been a ROUGH morning!) while my hair dried NATURALLY sans 'product', combs, brushes, or blow dryers. It IS shorter than I wanted. And it DOESN'T look like the picture. But I'm satisfied because the downward growing 'mohawk' is nicely layered, and my curls are doing their springy lil' things. Wonder how long I can go without having to do this hair appointment garbage again? Maybe I should consider growing it long enough to wear braids. It's a thought! 

Doesn't look like the photo I took, does it?