WHO? ME??????

Virgo
August 23 - September 22
This morning a friend sent me this thingy about Virgos. Why? Because I AM one, of course. (Please, note that in previous posts I've often referred to myself as an 'Anal Virgo'! So you SEE, I DO know what I am.) Anyway, it was intersting to read because I definitely see myself in so much of the description, but must argue with some aspects - starting with the above 'quality' evaluation of MUTABLE which means fickle or changing. I do NOT consider myself fickle in the LEAST. (And if you say I AM, dear friends, then I will quickly change my mind and not like you anymore, so there! But of COURSE, you WON'T say so.)
Virgo is the sixth sign of the zodiac, to be exact, and that's the way Virgos like it: exacting. Those born under this sign are forever the butt of jokes for being so picky and critical (and they can be), but their 'attention to detail' is for a reason: to help others. Yes, and it's ALSO because I LIKE things JUST SO! Virgos, more than any other sign, were born to serve, and it gives them great joy. They are also tailor-made for the job, since they are industrious, methodical and efficient. The sense of duty borne by these folks is considerable, and it ensures that they will always work for the greater good.

Virgo is represented by the Virgin, although this association should not be taken literally. HELL, NO! Rather, Virgos tend to take on some of the qualities of a Virgin, things like modesty and humanity. Some might consider them repressed, although Virgos would argue that it's a noble quality, as opposed to a negative one. Most of all, Virgos enjoy indulging their practical and logical side and poring over their projects to the nth degree. Uh - sorry I can't respond to that right now. I'm busy reading over this again to check for grammatical errors. To say these folks are good at fact-finding almost understates the case, since Virgos revel in their exacting (some would argue pedantic - EXCUSE ME? I don't insist on perfection and I'm NOT narrow minded. Now I'd appreciate it if you would look that word, minutiae, up and use it properly in a sentence.) behavior and are a whiz with minutiae. Did you look it up? It MEANS a small, unimportant detail. NO detail is 'unimportant', People! Get that in your heads. How many times do I ... oops. Virgins are an asset in the workplace as they can be counted on to get things right the first time, every time -- and no detail will be overlooked. They are also balanced and fair in their assessments in keeping with the Mutable Quality assigned to this sign.

Virgo is ruled by Mercury, and as portrayed in ancient Roman mythology, Mercury wasn't one to sit still for long. This swift-footed god was a bundle of energy, both physically and mentally, and that pretty much sums up the Virgin's makeup. I would appreciate it if you would STOP referring to me as a freakin' VIRGIN. I'll have you know - and I DO believe I've said it before - that I LOST my virginity though I still have the box it came in! A Virgo's brain is in overdrive most of the time, which is why these folks get so much done. Those born under this sign are also able communicators and use their mental acuity to maximum advantage. All of this brainpower can make Virgos prone to skepticism, and can even lead to the kind of over-think that surely leads to overkill. Thankfully, though, Virgos are also a studious lot and can temper their worst impulses with a bit of careful analysis. Virgos enjoy studying a situation in great detail, whether it's a work project or a friendship. We enjoy studying - PERIOD! Virgins - GRRRR! - are truly interested in understanding things. The bane of many Virgos is the perfectionism that can get in the way of their usual clear thinking. 'I'm not a perfectionist; I'm discriminating!' a Virgo would say, happy in the knowledge that their taste is unparalleled. Along those lines, Virgos are also neat and clean, save for the occasional sloppy Virgin (they do exist). Adamant disclaimer here: I am NOT one of those despicable creatures. My Virgo HOUSEMATE, however ...! Virgins are also reliable and practical and oh-so-useful to have around.

The Element associated with Virgo is Earth, and in keeping with that, most Virgos are grounded, salt-of-the-earth types. The flash and dash can go to others, since Virgos would much rather be humble and easy-going. That said, Virgins do enjoy material possessions and are (dare we say?) picky about what they bring into their lives. Some might even go as far as calling them self-centered - I'd never go THAT far! - but it's really more of a desire to surround themselves with what's right -- for them. This knack for discernment also serves Virgos well in business, where their decisions are usually dead-on. Those born under this sign are eminently sensible and use their critical eye well. While Virgos can be worrywarts, they do their best to temper these impulses. However, if this nervousness goes unchecked, it can lead to hypochondria, that ugly skeleton in the Virgo's closet. Uhhhh - not so! And stop saying stuff like that 'cause it upsets my Bipolar balance and makes my Lupus flair and causes my shattered kneecap to hurt!  For that reason, Virgins  - I SAID stop CALLING me that! Do I need to PROVE I'm NOT? - are extremely health conscious, to the point of being storehouses of information on diet and hygiene. Many Virgos even choose a health or medical career so they won't miss a beat.

Working out is elemental for Virgo, if only so they know intellectually that they're helping themselves physically. See, the benefits of exercise are far more important to Virgo than the process itself. That's why Virgos are likely to time themselves on their runs and get in those 300 sit-ups every day. Actually, I would NEVER do 300 sit-ups daily. I do only 100 a day, six days a week. When it comes to the game of love, Virgos are able to loosen up somewhat and are devoted to their lovers, even if they can be a bit jealous.  Absolute understatement! Since Virgo rules the intestines, worried Virgos need to be wary of bowel upsets. Are you trying to say I'm full of ****???? Soothing relief often comes in the way of earth tones, which is why Virgos like to be surrounded by shades of tan and a warm yellow.  REALLY? WHAT Virgos? I'm a RED kinda gal!

The great strength of the Virgo-born is in their practicality, sharp mind and attention to detail. When merged with their willingness to serve, Virgos become essential helpmates. They can be picky -- so what? PICKY? ME???? Never! However, I WOULD like to suggest that you check your spelling and sentence structure before you hit the publish button on your comment! BWAHAHAHAHA. (The 'VIRGIN' is signing off now!) 

HOLY SH**!!!! I'M NOW A MEMBER OF JOHNNY DEPP'S FAMILY!!!

LaDonna Harris, left, president of Americans for Indian Opportunity, poses with actor Johnny Depp at her Albuquerque, N.M., home on May 16, 2012.

(Credit: AP/Americans for Indian Opportunity)

(CBS/AP) ALBUQUERQUE, New Mexico - Johnny Depp is now an honorary member of the Comanche tribe.
Comanche Nation tribal member LaDonna Harris said Tuesday that the tribal chairman presented Depp with a proclamation at her Albuquerque home on May 16. She said the Comanche adoption tradition means she now considers Depp her son.
Harris said Depp seemed humbled.
The "Dark Shadows" actor is in New Mexico shooting the film adaptation of "The Lone Ranger." He plays "Ranger" Native American sidekick Tonto in the film.
His spokeswoman, Jayne Ngo, confirmed the actor participated in a ceremony, but she declined to provide details.
Harris said she had read in interviews that Depp identified himself as being part Native American, so she thought it would be fun to adopt him - a tradition she says is common in Comanche culture. She ran the idea past her adult children, and they agreed.
Harris said she reached out to Depp through a friend who is working as a cultural adviser on the "Lone Ranger" set.
The Comanche Nation is based in Lawton, Okla. About half of its 15,000 members live in southwestern Oklahoma.
Depp, 48, has been the topic of much discussion in Indian Country and online since he was cast as Tonto, with comments ranging from his costume, to the selection of a non-Native for the part, to how the role itself has historically epitomized Hollywood's misrepresentation of Native culture.


OMG! I called my great aunty in Lawton earlier to see what she thought of this. Her answer reminded me of why I fit in so well with my people. She said, "Well, what do you THINK I think, Ijapuh? Now that good-lookin' boy is a kissin' cuz, and I plan on doin' a whole bunch of kissin' on him." (NOTE: my great aunty is a VERY young 99. She's the 'baby' of three sisters. All are fiesty lil' Comanche women. LOL!)

CHANGES IN THE AIR AND HOPEFULLY IN THE DERRIERE!

Well, I told you I'd be posting soon about something I'm up to! Nopers! It isn't a new job. Not a creative endeavor. A LOVE affair???? Are you serious? Who SAID that? Obviously, you have not paid attention to how I look.

See what I mean? Who wants to wake up to THAT? Heck, even I don't, and I HAVE to. But the something I'm up to DOES have to do with how I look. Also how I feel. I have my housemate to thank. Some weeks back the dentist refused to pull a wisdom tooth and the tooth directly in front of it because his blood pressure was too high. Now I was po'd! I'd paid the $150 for his exam and suddenly it was for nothing? Really? Those teeth were HURTING him. I know Ray is TERRIFIED of dentists and doctors. So I figured the rise in his blood pressure simply had to do with the fear. We came home (me fuming and fussing about the 'dumb dentist', I might add) and returned a few days later for the single purpose of having his bp read again when he WASN'T getting dental work done. They took it. Once. Twice. THREE times. High, higher, REALLY high. They called ME in, knowing I would be the one to question them and make a fuss. (Learned quickly, didn't they?) I saw the third set of numbers and my big mouth flew open. I KNEW that wasn't fear. So we decided we HAD to get his blood pressure down! The dentist suggested before we have him put on meds, we should see if we couldn't change his diet and get him doing more exercise. Okay! Never say I don't take a challenge. I decided that, because I was ALREADY trying to lose some weight myself, I would design an eating plan for both of us. And I did. I got rid of every. single. sugary. salty. or. fatty. thing. in. this. house! (I CAN tell you for certain Ray's bp rose when I gave away all his Cokes, unopened bags of chips, freakin' Twinkies, and so forth.) I redid menus I'd already done, and bought food accordingly. He began walking 30 minutes each morning instead of 20, and now he's at 40 aiming for an hour. Because of my physical limitations - the shattered kneecap - I can't walk well on uneven terrain and I ALSO hate Houston's heat. (Sun is NOT friends with Lupus!) So I have worked out a modified aerobic exercise plan I'm doing indoors 6 days a week, as well as continuing the 6 days of weights and upper body strength exercises I've never stopped doing. I pulled out my old faithful aerobic step from before my knee was messed up, and I am doing step ups. Hurts like (insert BAD cuss words here) but I'm doing what I can. I can barely wait till June 1st when we see what the scale says. Ray needs to lose 30 pounds to be at his optimum weight of 160. At 260, I need to lose 60 pounds to be at a non-elephantine weight. Then ANOTHER 20 to be where I would be comfy. OR another 70 to be where The Invisible Powers That Be aka the Ideal Weight Decider Nazis say I SHOULD be. Bulls***!!!!! I'm aiming for a 60 pound loss. IF I should lose another 20, I'll be thrilled enough to pose nude. That's only in front of my poor, defenseless bathroom MIRROR, of course. (Oh, COME ON! Surely you didn't think I'd ... ewwwwwwww!) I don't CARE what the freakin' CHARTS say I should weigh. I KNOW where I'm comfortable. I'm making other changes, too. Today I got my hair cut. Mostly shaped, really. The lady who cut it (I'd never been to this salon before) sized me up (no pun intended) and bluntly asked, "What ARE you, Mama?" She is African American. I said, "I'm a Comanche." She squinted and said, "Uh-huh. Your skin's LIGHT, your hair is nappy, and you gonna try to tell me you're a Comanche?" I told her I am (technically) 1/2, we have VERY coarse hair, AND my great, great, great grandmother was a freed slave who CHOSE to live with and married into the Comanche tribe. I added, "Therefore - nappy hair. Hey, I gotta represent, you know?" She kind of stepped back as though I were a Martian, and then started laughing. "Girl, "she said, "you had me goin' there for a whole minute. I guess you're the private type. That's okay. You came up with a quick, smart answer. I'm gonna LIKE you." (Sigh. My reward for being honest. LOL!) At any rate, she gave me a darned GOOD haircut! NOTE: She was listening to COUNTRY music. I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying, "COUNTRY MUSIC? And you gonna try to tell me you're an African American?" BWAHAHAHAHA! I was good and didn't say it. Getting past all the chit chat here and back to my attempts at positive physical changes! Tomorrow morning I intend to do something I haven't done since I was 54 -almost 7 years -  color my hair. Right now it's so mousy-brown-laced-with-white I look like a mud puddle that got attacked by snow. I like the white. I HATE the mud color. So I bought one of the new non-ammonia hair colors (this one by Garnier) in light golden brown. It's supposed to take only 10 minutes, thoroughly cover gray, and last through 28 washings. And roots (the reason I STOPPED coloring my hair - I HATE roots) are supposed to be almost non-existent. Yeah, and I was supposed to marry African actor Henry Cele and live happily-ever-after in Durbin, South Africa, too.

We'll see though. Maybe - for once - a product will be what it CLAIMS to be. So now you know. I'm working on a transformation over here. My housemate's bp was a sort of catalyst for BOTH of us. As Ma from the Little House books used to say, "There's no great loss without some small gain!" Oh, wait. I don't think I LIKE that in this instance. I want a BIG loss and NO gain. Anyway, I'll keep everyone posted on my progress via a  side bar box that will read TAMING THE ELEPHANT, and I'll update it on the first of each month until I reach my goal. THAT should take about - well - till I'm dead. But my motto is, "NEVER GIVE UP unless they try to take your coffee away then kick 'em in the a** and RUN!" And there you have it. One insane account of my 'news'. TA-DA!    

                                    

   YAY ME!!!! I've been up exactly 36 hours without a single bit of sleep! Huh? That's nothing to celebrate? It's downright IGNORANT???? Well. HERE'S what I have to say about THAT!
                                YES, IT IS!!!!
    And, actually, it was not an intentional thing. I got busy. I got TOO busy. I TRIED to sleep a bit last night but I honestly think I was so far beyond exhausted, I COULDN'T. How dumb is that? LOL! Too tired to SLEEP? Really???? You betcha'!
   So what do you suppose I did? Did I try to relax my body by reading? Nope. Maybe I had a glass of warm milk - or wine  - WAIT. I don't DRINK wine. I don't drink alcohol at all. So, huh-uh. Maybe I sat in a cross-legged position and repeated, "Ommmmmm!" until I annoyed myself so much I SLAPPED me. Nopers.
    What DID I do, you ask? Got off my big butt and scrubbed every. single. inch. of this house. I even (DON'T YOU LAUGH) dusted the walls. That was AFTER I cleaned all the baseboards. (And I SAID stop that laughing. You SNORT when you laugh at me, you know! It's not attractive, so quit it. YOU know who you are!)
   Why IS it that whenever I am worn to a frazzle from all the have-to-do things in my day-to-day life, instead of being able to pat myself on the back for doing so much and enjoying a well-deserved rest, I turn into freakin' HAZEL? (I don't even WANT to hear it if you are too young to know who Hazel is, you whippersnappers!) Anyway, my house is SERIOUSLY clean. The prep-work for a WEEK'S worth of meals is done. I've finished editing enough manuscripts to make me wonder why I even bother to buy books wth all I HAVE to read for my job. And - did I mention that my house is clean? Sigh. 
   Tomorrow I am going to do EXACTLY what I WANT to do. I'm actually not certain what the heck that IS yet, but by golly, I AM going to do it. Then, at some point next week, I plan to tell you lovely Bloggy Sweethearts what ELSE I've been up to. It's WAY better than cleaning house! Honest Injun!
   Hope all of YOU have enjoyed a 'loverly' Saturday and are expecting to enjoy an even 'LOVERLIER' Sunday! And, for corn sake - DO get some sleep. It's idiotic to go 36 hours without any. Ooops. Heehee. I'm the one who hasn't slept, aren't I? Well, YOU get some sleep, too! You NEED it so you won't SNORT when you're LAUGHING at me next time!

THIS, THAT, THE OTHER, STUFF, AND - OH, YEAH, I'M BACK!

   Two weeks doesn't feel like a long time to go without blogging, but it IS if there are too many things to share in one lil' post. So - because I'm SUPPOSED to be catching up on editing!
    First: I missed all you Bloggy friends!!! I DID read all the back posts today, however no WAY can I possibly go back and comment on everything from 2 week's worth of 42 blogs! EEEEKS! I'd need ANOTHER vacation if I did! LOL!
   Next I want to clear something up before I forget. I wasn't attending our Holy Man's wedding - just getting together with my close friends PRIOR to his wedding which I WILL be attending in July (in New Mexico.) Apparently I didn't explain myself well because I was most likely rambling along in my last post. (What? ME? Rambling? Uh ... ALWAYS!) At any rate, in July I will be gone for a week. There were also some plan changes in what I did the last 2 weeks thanks to a few wrenches thrown into the mix. But here I am, back online and SORT of back in the 'groove' so to speak. And with that ...
   When I returned to my computer I found some WONDERFUL surprises. One involved my friend Chris who does the amazing FaeWees! She had created Two Feathers, an incredibly tiny piece of perfection depicting my culture!  Below are some pictures from her blog!

Isn't he the BEST???? I THINK HE IS WONDERFUL!!! He is, or at least WAS, for sale on Ebay and I hope whoever buys/bought him really appreciates him!

Then there was a package waiting for me from my friend Sandy in Canada. She created this VERY cool and beautiful art piece (I already have it hanging!) ALSO depicting my culture! In addition to THIS, there was a lovely note, a WAY cool compact with one side a regular mirror, the other a magnifying mirror, and a darling lil' battery-operated fan that resembles a Japanese lady. (I never even TOLD her I'm crazy about all things Japanese!) I also had never mentioned that my hair - while relatively short - is exceedingly THICK and heats my entire body as though it were my own personal 'blankie'. Now blankets are great in 20 degree weather. I'm in Houston. So that lil' fan is going with me E.V.E.R.Y.W.H.E.R.E.!!! Thank you again, Sandy! By the way, this is a picture SANDY took and put on HER blog. Her pictures are better than mine so I used it!

Finally (Hey! Stop that applauding - I'm not finished YET!) I ALSO did a bit of crafting these past couple of weeks. I finished some baby gifties for my friend Temetria who works at the UPS Store where I mail all my packages. She and her hubby are having their 2nd child in August, and it's a GIRL! They are naming her - drum roll - KAI! So Aunty Kai has bought out a couple of stores (only slight exaggeration here) AND done some crocheting. Below, you will see what I finished most recently. The first is a little headband. The second, a hat. Third is a bib with a pocket. And last is a very small blanket/bunny to hold onto.

Last are a few photos of other miscellaneous crocheted things I've made relatively recently. I get on crochet kicks sometimes when I CAN'T get to my craft table to make my OTHER messes. I can crochet anywhere. Obviously, the first are simply wooden things I messed up painted.

The frog and cow have 'mouths' that open (controlled by mini-clothespins in the back) to hold notes, etc. The lil' birdy can be hung.

This purse is made from one of my VERY favorite yarns. It's entirely RIBBON and - though quite costly by MY standards - well worth the price because it's actually very sturdy and, up close, beautiful. The button is from www.joggles.com/ and is sooooooo pretty! Whoever I give this purse to is going to KNOW they are loved.

 This is a small wrap in a coppery color and it's lightweight but quite warm. Good for taking off the chill.

 And this is a LONG scarf. Obviously it's a kitty complete with head, legs, and tail.

So there you go - my little show-and-tell and my hello to all of you sweet Bloggers! Now I have to get my big old Comanche booty busy editing. HAVE A SUPER MONDAY (yes, I started this yesterday) and I'll be bugging you all on YOUR blogs veeeeeeery soon!

P.S. I have a little secret - a GOOD one - to share at the beginning of June. It's no big deal - except to me - but stay tuned.